The ego is maligned. I asked – why? Socially it is common to hear judgments about someone else’s ego. Most exhortations are judgement – shared as a warning – triggering the innate fear response. “Look out! This person is less than you.” Another judgement.
Interestingly, ego maniacs, the scholars who’ve studied ego deeply (Loevinger, Cook-Grueter) share insight that egoism is neither good or bad. Loveinger’s curiousity identified 9 stages of ego development and Cook-Grueter shares 6 stages. As part of my investigation, I read Take me to the Truth, Undoing the Ego by Sanchez and Vieira.
Egoism is neither good nor bad, it is simply interesting. A reflection of the human condition, parenting, our tribe’s influence and our culture’s external validation distractions.
Below is the graphic from Cook-Grueter with bullet point references to the ego’s behvior in various stages of development. The two columns or information below the graphic is content from Take Me to the Truth.
A few year’s ago I inadvertently called my defensive and special nature “Special K” the title of the first column. The second column, is titled Dull01. Obviously an egotistical play on my name, but useful to remind me of whether I’m seperated from the Unitive Source, like Adam, or the same as the Unitive Source that I’ve identified as: God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. With these titles I can now observe – outside of myself – am I trapped in the cocoon or on a butterfly’s journey?
In embracing the ego not as an enemy but as a mirror to our inner evolution, we unlock the path to true self-awareness and unity. By exploring the stages outlined by scholars like Loevinger and Cook-Grueter, and applying the transformative wisdom from Sanchez and Vieira’s “Take Me to the Truth,” we can move beyond defensive separation—our “Special K” cocoon—toward the liberated “Dull01” butterfly, aligned with the Unitive Source.
Remember, knowing these insights is merely the start; becoming demands trust through Undoing, Sorting Out, Relinquishment, Settling Down, Unsettling, and Achievement. So, observe your ego without judgment, embark on this journey of undoing, and discover the profound freedom of your unified self—it’s waiting within you, ready to soar.
| Special K | Dull01 |
|---|---|
| Ego – Self | Ego – Social (the Unified Self) |
| Separation/Fear from/of The Source (Adam) | Unitive with The Source (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit) |
| Believing it made self | Unitive with the Source |
| Intellectual/Material Accumulation | Wisdom/Instinctual/Intuition (The Voice of the United Self) |
| External Conditions exert control and influence | Internal Conditions focus being |
| Not totally responsible for my life | Complete responsibility |
| Abandonment, Persistent Threat, Inadequacy, Guilt, Fear, Judgment, Lack, Attachment, Control Addiction, Thought, Emotion, Having and Becoming | Love, Abundance, Joy, Peace, Sharing, Creative Inspiration, Extends and Receives Love, Joy, Peace and Wisdom |
| Seeking but never finding Peace | Peace |
| Psychological Time: Smeared Lens of the Past, Fantasizing about the Future moment = Being Absent from Self | Time = Now |
| Dwelling in useless past or imagined future | Now |
| People are Broken, Different, Facts | People are Reasons, and Reflections of Self (in every person we meet – we are meeting ourselves) |
| Giving and Getting | Giving is Receiving |
| Gives Judgement – Gets Judgement | Gives Love – Receives Love |
| Resists reality if different from expectations | Suffering doesn’t exist in reality |
| Subjective intent in motion | Objective intent in motion |
| Our culture invests in Fear, disinvests in Love | |
| Impossible, difficult, have to, should, can’t, do/don’t, no/never, bad, doubt | Possible |
| Judgement from a distorted self-image constantly seeking pleasure or to avoid pain | Judgment is okay for discernment, evaluation, comparison of choice for ordinary decisions |
| Never takes responsibility for its own projection, always projecting blame and guilt outside of self | Withholding judgement of others is to forgive him and self |
| Reactor | Observer – monitoring thoughts – including tendency to condemn others |
| I/Me/Myself/Mine | Unified Self |
| What I identify with (attitudes, beliefs, opinions, values) | Who you truly are needs no thing, object or person to be complete |
| Take offense, feel defensive (attitudes, beliefs, opinions, values). Defends the illusion of self. Must attack, to protect self from others | Confusion caused by fear, anger, control, gaining something outside of self. Cognitive dissonance rooted in attachments and illusion of self |
| Voice in Head: Loud + Chattering | Calm |
| Judges Ego-Self in others | Overlooks Ego-Self in Others |
| Whatever we give we keep, judge and attack | Love, Peace, Quantum Forgiveness |
| I am my thoughts and feelings | You can elect detachment and observation |
| Master of keeping deep intent hidden to been seen, approved, needed, valued, desired, gain attention, and recognition | Relinquishes ignorance |
| Born in Fear | Cannot perceive fear |
| Uses intellect to drive control | Wisdom gained when intuition drives intellect |
| Can be attacked, justifying defense | Can never be attacked |
| Enormous investment in image (ideas, people, beliefs, opinions, careers, possessions) | Humility, the power of defenselessness |
| Seeking to protect | Asking: what is Special K protecting? |
| Edits, justifies thoughts, feelings, responses in Special K’s favor | Vulnerability in defenselessness |
| Fear and love coexist | Love and Fear can’t coexist |
| Fear produces confusion | Love produces certainty |
| Choosing to experience Fear, control addiction, resistance, anger, hatred and judgement | Any moment we see fear, we are not seeing Truth, but an illusion |
| Experience happens to us | The power to choose our experience |
| Separate and “less than” The Source | Co-creators with the Source, “equal to” |
| Can project the opposite of Love, and believes it | |
| The Problem causes our suffering | Our thinking about the problem causes our suffering |
| Letting go of painful thoughts | Painful thoughts letting go of you |
| Day to day, minute by minute, problem solving (picking weed tops) | Asks: Is this Valueless or Valuable? |
| Expert at Coping | |
| Fictitious Ego-Love experience – will never satisfy our deepest longing | Love is a state of being, lying beneath layers of wrong-mindedness accumulated through living through lens of self-ego. Love entails forgiving ego-error in self and others, unconditional giving of time, care, attention, forgiveness. An expression of our state-of-being, to discover that we were Love all along |
| Ego love is saturated with specialness, judgement, blame and guilt. It involves sacrifice, withholding, revenge, conditions and obligation | Love in action is always extending, not separating, and expressed through forgiveness, acceptance, non-judgment and gratitude |
| If you seek specialness, and receive it, it doesn’t satisfy, it dissipates and looks for more. Specialness separates us from others. To set yourself above, seeking specialness from the outside, summons increased guilt. Pseudo worthiness – guilt cycle – seeking more pseudo worthiness. Projection: 1) innocence – others are to blame and 2) retribution – the attack, judging others who persecuted us. Projection allows for more specialness. Any harmful past (psychological time) experience destabilizes my specialness | Healing specialness is a NOW moment. Learning to look on everyone with no reference at all to the past, either his or yours, as you perceive it, you will be able to learn from what you see now (his past has no reality in the present, so you cannot see it). Conflict cannot be solved at the ego-self level. Sees every opportunity as peace opportunity |
| The ego is determinative, based on what it thinks is right according to likes and dislikes. | Must remind ourselves, with every interaction, Peace is our goal |
| The cocoon | The butterfly |
| We see people as: sinners, worthy of condemnation, and punishment. We decide to: forgive and release from condemnation. We then see ourselves as superior. | Quantum forgiveness: the only sin is of ego illusion. This is a call for Love, deserving a loving response. No sin has occurred in the first place. Doesn’t reinforce the mistake, by making it real. Overlooks the mistake, and asks for Universal Inspiration. |
| Everything is imperfect | Everything is perfect, giving you exactly what you need. |
